Change - is it good or very good?

It has been such a long time, that I have almost lost the ability to post. I am surprised and touched that some people still remember me. I haven't forgotten about you, guys, either. I was just overwhelmed by the many changes happening in my life. I was forced to move suddenly, and went to a place with no internet connection! I am now writing from a net cafe, and it won't be until next week that I will have my own connection, and be able to catch up on your blogs, read about what you all have been up to, and comment on your adventures!

As for myself, I would expect this last one month and a half to be painfully difficult. Looking back now, it was surprisingly refreshing and taught me a lot of things. I am thrilled to report that I feel much better now.

The last months following my graduation from Med school in November, I was slowly sinking in depression. I didn't realise how it happened. Suddenly, I was unemployed, with most of my friends moving back to their hometowns, and I ended up shut in my house, alone, totally dependent on the net and more than eager to unwind my tension and frustration onto my boyfriend. He was unemployed too, and it wasn't easy for him either.

We went to Med school expecting to have to work and study our asses off, but for a reason: To graduate and have a shot at doing good, and achieving something great. Instead, because of the unemployment situation in Greece nowadays, we were ordered to write our name on a list, and wait for a residency program to open up... wait... and wait... for years, for an indefinite amount of time, watching time pass by and slowly forgetting all the things we learnt.

And while my boyfriend was strong enough to say "I've had it! I will look for a residency abroad! I don't deserve this humiliation!", I was too disappointed and depressed to think of the situation the same way. As a result, months of "Let's go!" - "I am not going!" followed, and the result was the expected one: The tension wore our relationship out.

And then, 2 months ago, an opportunity came up for my boyfriend, in Cologne, Germany. He was excited about it, but I couldn't be more negative. At that point, I was an emotional wreck, and moving around the house was difficult for me, let alone move abroad! Meanwhile, his parents (I have mentioned the fact that our relationship couldn't be worse in older posts) saw this position abroad as the perfect opportunity for us to break up. After all, I didn't speak German, I couldn't find a job there, so why would I want to go? After months of following a passive-aggressive tactic, they became openly offensive towards me, and started expressing threats and ultimatums ("Either you go alone, or we won't provide you with money for the trip, or accomodation" and "The moment she comes to Germany, forget you even have parents!")

Finally, my boyfriend and I agreed that he should go alone at first. There was no need for me to move my negativity and misery abroad. These were too heavy for me to carry. I had to get rid of them first, in order to start my new life properly. So I gave up my student apartment, and moved to my parents' house (they live abroad now too). I did a lot of thinking, I learnt to depend on myself again, and started driving lessons. I know I am ridiculously old for that, but driving has always been one of my greatest fears, and a chore I avoided doing.

And luck is finally on my side. I am amazed to report that I FOUND A JOB! A real, medical job - that of a general practitioner at Mytilene, a Greek island! And because good things usually happen all together, there is GREAT possibility that a residency program will open up for me soon!

I still love my boyfriend, of course. And he loves me too. We are in touch every day, (I even visited him last week in Cologne) and things between us are much, much better. He is very proud of himself, earning a living for the first time in his life and honestly, I need to do the same. I need to be able to depend on myself, and not somebody else. I can't say that I have completely managed to get the "new me" out there, but I am trying hard.

For a full year (that's how long my job on the island lasts) we will be apart. But I am not afraid. I will remember what being a doctor feels like, I will finally learn German and, after that, knowing the language and having a full year of experience as added qualification, I will pursue a job in Germany. If us being together is meant to be, it will happen.

But I learnt not to think of the distant future too much. I have today to take care of, and it is enough work for me. Ok, maybe I can plan 2 days ahead... after all, that is the day of my driving exam!

So, that's what I had been up to these past weeks. Thank you all for being there for me. As soon as I get an internet connection, I will be taking a peek at your lives and experiences too. Until then, I will be thinking of you and hoping you are all well.

PS: By the way, thank you for your awards! I have to think of my nominees too - I will get to it as soon as possible!