But now I have some time, and some thoughts I'd like to share.
First of all, I thought about quitting this blog. It's no use having one if you don't update it regularly, and if you cannot read and comment on the adventures of your friends on the blogosphere. You have to be there, you have to make time for it. And gradually, it becomes an obsession, or at least one more thing to do, unless you want to feel guilty all the time.
We have so many obligations in our everyday lives. We have to be effective and productive at our jobs, loving and caring for our families, responsible with our hosehold chores, considerate with our neighbours. There are things that need to be done - yesterday, if possible. Important stuff but also trivial ones, that tend to bug as all the time and fill us with guilt about neglecting them.
Having responsibilities is good. It means you have a life for yourself and gets you going. But being buried under a great pile of "to do-s" and not enjoying the ride is a crime. It only means that you're wasting your time doing nothing but worrying.
I started this blog because I love writing. It has always helped me clear my mind and relax. Truthfully, obsessing about my posts, my comments and my followers does not relax me one bit. However, the answer is not to stop writing, but to stop worrying. As a result, I won't be quitting the blog - I will be quitting the need to be there more than I really want to. I will be quitting the guilt.
Secondly, I thought about creating another blog, a new one. I am a totally different person now than the one I was last year. My life and "hers" look nothing alike. Don't get me wrong, I haven't fugured out as much stuff as I would want to, I am still goofy and make wonderful mistakes. You can only change so much about yourself, you know. But at least now I act, rather than agonize about making a move. I walk and fall, rather than sit and wait for things to happen. Of course, it is now statistically much more easier to make mistakes, but also do things the right way.
So, a new blog for a new girl? Nah, it's no use. Because the girl is basically the same inside. Only a little stronger and more mature, but still sillly, clumsy and so soft that cries with baby food commercials. After all, this year's experiences wouldn't have happened, it it weren't for the last year's ones. Change is impossible, unless there is actually something to change. As a result, I am sticking to the same old blog.
But enough with the serious and cliche "words of wisdom". What about some things from my everyday life?
I am still at the village, of course. It's been 4 and a half months now, and I have as much time to go. I got used to my life here, and now know what I am capable of, and what I am not. I am better aware of whether I can fight or I should quit in each case.
The island is beautiful, even though it loses a great part of its charm if you take the sea and the beaches out. I still have my summer friends, and some new ones. My driving has improved, my binge eating has not. Oh, well...
It was my birthday 3 days ago - I turned 25. 25 had always seemed such an important age when I was younger. I had always thought that, by that time, I would have created the life I had always wanted. I would be succesful and happy, with a great job, a great family, great looks and great hobbies.
This is all cr@o, of course. Not only because it is impossible. Life is too complicated to sort it out that easily. After all, if you have everything at 25, what's the point in living for at least another half of a century? But mainly because, when you blow your candles at 25, you realise that the life you had dreamt of at 12, 18 or 20 does not resemble the life you want now one bit.
Things change, people change, we ourselves change. Sometimes it is painful, but generally it is okay. Even if a certain situation appears to be worse after that, change itself makes it possible to turn things over again - and again - and again.
My Christmas was ok. For the first time ever, I worked through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after, but it was okay. I was able to take a week off after that, and by Day 3 I was bored and wanted to get back! Yeah, I am a freak, but you knew that already.
Oh, one more thing I forgot to tell you. I kinda sort of fell in love...
WHAT? Well, yes, it happened when I least expected it - as always. I am at a really good place right now, more relaxed and happy (in fact so calm that my parents suspected I did drugs when they saw me during the holidays, or that I became a part of some weird paganistic clan!). No, it is all natural, and I will write more on a future post.
Until then, I will enjoy myself, and I advise you to do the same. Laugh, go out, dance, have some drinks, read a great book, watch an amazing movie, make love or take a long walk, whatever YOU want really. As long as you have fun. See ya!